Chapter 5
Last Chapter, Some EQs
I don’t know Anita, will you ever read this or I don’t think you are kind enough to read still this chapter. It is boring, but. If you are reading this the whole story, then I want to thank you and this story is you and you only and the poem is about you. I have tried here to explain everything as much I can. If you not understand this even now I must say “My words are ended!” And I never will be able to make understand better. I am very sorry that all the mails , SMS and poem hurts your feelings. The poem was not meant to make fun of you. I should have stopped after you refused to the poem.
Can we make everything back exactly like there was before the college closed? Can we remain friends like earlier when the next semester starts? Will you talk to me after this long day at college or will you behave to totally like a stranger then. I again want to say sorry to whatever mistakes I have done which hurts
Your golden chain is safe in my hands I will give to back when we see each other… Or I will do whatever you say.
I am such a fool I can’t understand it is such rude to behave to you like that. Your words “It was rude!” Makes takes off the entire peace in my mind. And words are disturbing me still now, from the moment I read that in your mail. If Saleen never challenged me I will never try to tell nor do all this to you. And the words tell me you are so disappointment with me. I don’t know what to say.
Please don’t stop replaying to my mails and SMS. As once u SMS ed to me ” Please replays to messages”. Do you know only after that I started replaying and forwarding messages?
The poem was not to make fun of u. If you feels bad, even now. I bet .I bet you can feel what was in the poem when you are heavily depressed. Read that when you feel nothing is going well and when you feel everything was lost and when you feel nobody believes in you. When you feel you are alone in this world middle of an ocean. When you where not able to stop crying. Then you may understand what I meant by it.
If you are not Anita and you know here, tell here I never want to hurt here and I now recognize my mistakes and say sorry from me.
EQ
I don’t understand a word from the story. What was that all about?
That may be because of my silly language. I will brief it here. Actually I want to propose you. So I wrote a poem about you (you thinks tat was nonsense). But I had no enough courage to send it as SMS. I also decided if you said no, I will not disturb you ever. And I want to give you a percent that will make you happy. I thought an easy recharge gift can make you feel as happy as you get 100 roses at a time. I give you an easy recharge as gift because; you can make your decision from your heart. And for your yes or no, no one will ever tease you. So I gave you the gift before sending the SMS. And also I loved to dedicate a song for you. But I have no enough courage, tats why I send you a mail asking “May I send the poem”. And I decided to take you answer as the answer of the poem. You said NO. That was it. I must have stopped there but I didn’t, I don’t know, why? I send you the poem deleting the last line. You replayed me with warning. But I just want to tell I have a gift for you. So I replayed you with some silly words, tat even now when I read that, I can’t understand what I written there. Then you asked me what tat mail all about. I am puzzled. I regretted about that mail later. So I collected some courage and decided to tell you all. I wrote it as a small story. I never think its going to hurt you. I thought you won’t take that seriously. Saleen ones challenged me for my guts. I wrote that also in it. But that was the awful. And you started to think I am playing some nasty game with you and I am making use of you as testing equipment. But actually I don’t mean that. I am sorry for that and everything. And finally you stop replaying for my SMS and email. Then I understand everything went wrong. I decided to do the confession to you. I didn’t found any way to explain all this to you. So I decided to write all that as a story, in a different situation, hopping this time you will understand better. But even now you do not understand me. I am requesting you to forgive me and forget all my stupidity.
How can I forgive you and forget all of this. First you write a stupid poem about me. Then that email. Now you write a story about me. Are you playing any game? It is actually very rude. Is this a joke for you?
A joke…, Yes it is joke now. When you said No I became a joker. And everything did I became foolishness of a joker, to make others laugh. When you laugh at the story you are laughing at me. I am the joker in the story not the hero. And I am a loser. When someone say No he becomes a joker and others laugh at him and later that become a joke forever for all. And so this is a joke. Life is a game some wins others losses. And this game ends when we complete this EQ. Like always a new game will start.
But I never said No or Yes to you?
When you said no to the poem you said no to the proposal. Of course you said it unknowingly. You said no so are not my destiny, if you were you would some thing other; I know I am insane, and again a stupid thought, let me go like this take all that as a joke. And I don’t want to disturb you like this any more and this chapter will be the end of it. And for God sake forget all of this.
I will never forget this game u played using me. I will do my revenge one day.
what is this EQ?
EQ is Expected Questions from you Anita. What else it can be.
Are you sure I am going to ask these questions?
No, that’s why it is expected.
Why did you recharge my phone?
It was one of my foolish thoughts. I consider it as a gift, a different gift. I think you to be happier than when you get 100 red roses as gift. I had imagined it; you are smiling when you found you mobile being recharged by a fool by mistake. Did you smile actually? Again don’t take it seriously. And also for hearing the ring tone you should have balance in you mobile, right? And to replay my SMS you should have the balance right. So I recharged your mobile as a gift.
Why did you do it twice?
Actually it was a clue. I expect you to think somebody is doing it intentionally not by mistake. But I think it won’t work. Again you guess the same way some fool recharged your number by mistake.
Then, why didn’t you do that again?
No man in his right mind will do same mistake thrice. That was actually a waste. Even if I do it again you will think the same. So it is waste of time and money. I won’t do it again, I promise.
Why did you do all this stupidity with me, not somebody else? Am I the stupidest one against all the girls you know?
Because you are beautiful, you take care of others feeling, you are a good friend you are open minded, you are cool and are charming even in difficult situation. I never found a girl like you other than in my dreams. So I loved you. I had never proposed a girl before even if I fall for her. When Saleen said I got zero courage I really waned to know that so I did all this foolish things which I regret now. It was a stupid game as you feel. But why should I tell lie in a game? So I played it with you. I know nobody is going to agree with me. I should have kept it inside me like always. Please forgive me for this game. You can take it as an email joke, like all other jokes we all share through SMS and emails. Will you?
Nobody will be able to think it as a joke. And I am not going to forgive you for all these just like that. How was your exam?
Engineering Mathematics was fine. For all others I am not sure.
What do you want me to do now?
Nothing, just nothing, make this story nothing, let that mails to be nothing, forget the poem (I recon you have already deletes the poem.) .Let me keep al that deep inside only in my heart locked for ever. Keep all that out of your reach and replace them with nothing. Please delete those silly mails. Of course you can make fun of all these and me. But keep everything out of you mind. I will be happier, if you are just like how you are in the start of the semester. Be happy.
Nothing! I had already deleted all that. You did all these for nothing?
No, I did all that for something. But now it is nothing.
Then why did you write this the story to disturb me again. Actually I am getting out of all this stuff at the time of other exams?
Sorry for that again. I wrote this because I was totally disturbed. I think I made a deep dark mark in your heart. And I was totally upset. This story I wrote to reduce my disturbance. If I tell you everything I may get some mental piece.
What did you think of yourself? Idiot.
I promise I won’t do like this again. This is the last and final. Please don’t take it seriously. Everything is Ok.
How is it going to be Ok? Everybody know this right?
Nobody knows this still I am writing this. Even Saleen and Martin doesn’t know about this I hadn’t tell them a word. Martin got some droughts, but he does not know this confirmed. Nobody knows my blog. I give link only to you. If any one accidentally read this, they will think this as a stupid story. So there is nothing to worry about this get you out of all this stuff.
For that I don’t need you advice. You did all for fun. Do you really love me?
I loved you because you are Anita. That will be my arrogance. But is it a real love, like you I also have dough. May be yes because I want you to be happy and I feel I am in love with you. But of cause that doesn’t mean my love is true. May be a no because I propose you to test my guts .I know nobody is going to tolerate with me for that, but I did that through a complicated and stupid way. That was not a symptom of real love. May be no because I am ok with you NO, I wrote all this not because you said no, but to make you take it just as a joke and be happy. This love is not true because I am not hurtled for you rejection of the poem, but little amused when you start to think it was to make a joke of you. The small story was to test my guts. And at the moment when you completed reading it I proved it I have courage. No my love is not real when I consider all things I do I feel I am plying a game with you, without your permission.
Did you notice one interesting thing in this? I never proposed you. But I have proved I have guts to propose. But I tried to propose you. But why did you say no? Do you have any other boy friend? May be you are clever enough to guess what I am up to when I said poem. Please be happy, don’t bother about all this.
Mind your business. Did you try any stupid things when I stop responding to your SMS and email?
Like suicide, I didn’t try that. Actually I don’t want to disturb you on you exam and spoil your semester. But writing all these as a story in different situation is my current stupidity. And this will be the last with you I promise.
What did Saleen and Martin say about all these?
Saleen and Martin know nothing about this. I have a best friend Promod; I told to him only. I did not discuss about this to others. I really don’t want you to get teased in front of others for my fault. So I kept all this as a secret. They got no clues but they guess well, they smell something wrong. I will take care of them. We have to be little careful with them especially Martin. They are going to kill me if they got all this, that much I am sure.
Do you write poems like this always?
No, I am not a poet. Any one can write poems and stories. Thanks for calling it as poem. It is not a big deal. But writing good poem is a great deal.
Ho! Then can you write another one?
Yes, I will try. Here it is.
Life is beautiful
You are so wonderful
Those moments with you are cheerful
I will remember it life full.
My love was faithful
But you are so doubtful
That made me painful
I became sad full
I am Harmless
Don’t make me heartless
You come to me in my dreams
It’s not real as it seems
Is your heart made of stone, beauty?
So you kept me thirsty
Are you happy now, baby?
Making me cry
I wrote a poem hopeful
You said it was harmful
I wrote a story truthful
You replay it was hurtful
I became very careful
Nothing was useful
So I fall in darkness
I decide to write the story in sadness
I wrote this to show my innocents
But you caught my guilefulness
If you take all these cheerful
I will be very grateful
Life is beautiful
You are so wonderful
How is it?
She didn’t answer me, she came only for questions
It was in my Dream because
I neither know she come from nor she gone.
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| ALONE AGAIN |
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